Basket of Thoughts

Thoughts from my mind to the internet

Thankful

Nathan Smith

no comments

January 27, 2024

I’ve been meaning to write on here for the past several days, but I just hadn’t.  I told myself yesterday that I was going to write either last night, early this morning before breakfast, or per myself being the procrastiNATER, at some point after breakfast. So here we are, after breakfast, the last possible option I gave myself writing. The main purpose of it was going to be actually about how I have really enjoyed what has become sort of a routine now, where on Saturday mornings I will have breakfast with some of my family and best friend, who really is just a brother/son at this point. It’s been nice and I look forward to it each week. That was going to be about the jist of what I was going to write initially too, but when I signed on, there was a blurb at the bottom there was a question that asked what would you do if you won the lottery? So then, it got me thinking about that. I had many thoughts on it, and not just what I would do but how there are stories of people that have won the lottery and shortly after have absolutely fucking nothing and are almost worse off afterwards. It made me sad but it also made me very thankful because I am quite confident that wouldn’t be the case for me. I’m not one to go spending money on a bunch of random bullshit. I’ll spend it on experiences such as vacations or something like that but primarily what I would do is pay off all my debts and start clean. Of course that depends on what the lottery winnings are, but usually it’s multi millions, so, yeah, it’d be enough to give me a surplus after paying my debts. I wouldn’t go jumping into quitting my job or anything like that. I would keep working until I knew I would likely be good without, which realistically I probably would be but I would want to keep a steady income while I had my money being active, meaning being in stocks and such. Perhaps, I would just focus on passion projects such as this and writing in general. I also wanted to bare myself and open up on some personal stuff just to provide an example of faith or some of you may find it to be just pure coincidence but I think of it as much more than that. Since the passing of my father in law over the course of time things got tight for me financially. They still are honestly, as they are all across the country for other people as well, so I know I am not alone on this in general. I greatly underestimated the income my wife earned for caring for him until about a few months in. I knew when he passed I would carry the burden and I was more than happy to do so, in fact I wanted nothing more than to do that. My father had done it for my family so I felt that is how it should be in a way as well. I knew how much he meant to her and that it would be devastating and would be very hard for her. It still is but she did start working again a few months back so that has been helping. The holidays were difficult for her and she missed some time from work due to her having a hard time. Not long ago she opened up to me one morning as I was getting ready for work and was letting me know she wasn’t sure if she would be able to keep working where she is now due to the pay and such, I understood completely but at the same time was panicked as I don’t tell her if I need money because I want to be able to do it but I was already falling behind and nervous about some bills needing to be paid. I broke down and told her of my financial worries as of late. While I was at work that day, she didn’t hesitate in taking action. She got into looking for some assistance somewhere and we she found a program that helps people in certain cases and they paid off one of our bills we were worried about! It was a huge relief. It brought me closer to the realization that there is a God. I always tie in that He was with me the whole time when I was in South America and I can relate it to this situation as well. I’m not the kind that will ever ask for assistance on money. I would rather be homeless and dying in a gutter before I destroy my pride asking for financial help in any way. I broke my pride in desperation when I was in South America at the end of my trip when I had absolutely no choice because I lost my only debit card there. Other than that, I don’t ask for it. In fact, when my wife was earning, caring for her father she would just give me some money, I will take it if given, when I need it, haha, but I won’t usually initiate in asking for it. Due to this, I likely incur more harm to myself than anything else but it also brought me to the conclusion that no body knows you better than God does. I say this because there were many times during last December in the shower, when I was worried about bills, on top of wanting to provide some sort of Christmas for my wife, I prayed, sometimes in tears, asking for God to help me. So, here we are, a huge burden of a bill I was very worried about being paid, getting paid, and helping me get the ship righted again. I mentioned no one knows you better than God because of the fact I feel he answered my prayer in the way He knew how because He knew I would never ask for help so when I told my wife, He guided her to those that helped us. It brings me back to the subject of this whole thing and that is being thankful, and I am for a God that loves me, despite of some of the horrible things I have said, written, and thought at times about Him. I think of some of that stuff now and feel guilty. I find it odd that I would ever truly come to this conclusion and believe it but as I think of how things have turned out over my life, I can’t think of any other logical explanations other than the help of angels and if there are angels, there has to be a God. I’m thankful there is.

Fender Bender

Nathan Smith

2 comments

January 5, 2024

Had a minor fender bender this morning on my way to work. More embarrassing than anything else though thankfully. I was driving on my way to work and was heading into a rotary. There was a van in front of me and as getting near entry of it I was looking to my left over my shoulder at traffic to see an opening. I was slowly creeping while doing this, when I had last looked the van in front of me was going into the rot… BOOM! I slammed on my brakes, looked forward and dammit all, the van hadn’t gone into the rotary. I’d rear ended him… I put on the hazards and hit the brakes. Took a look at the back of the van, no damage. Checked front of my car. License plate bent on the bottom, top corner of it a screw popped out cocking it but able to push back in so no damage. I asked the guy if he was ok, he was. I was ok as well, more upset at myself than anything. I didn’t think was any reason for cops or any of that but the other guy had to report it because he worked for a company. I understood that. State trooper came and took a look and said didn’t need to make a report as he could tell no major damage. I thank the Lord for that as it could’ve been much worse. I hadn’t even thought of it but the guy who was driving the van when he got out noticed I hadn’t been going very fast as the airbags hadn’t gone off. Good point, sir. That would’ve really put my day to shit. Thanking the Lord for that too! Other than that, felt I had a relatively productive day at work. Shit can get difficult when answering calls, entering data, troubleshooting, switching between emails and creating orders. Lots of stuff going on, haha! but the place is great. I love who I work with and they treat us well. I’ve never seen anyone get called out directly for screw ups or heard or seen anyone get reamed out. I feel that is how things should be done. Nobody likes to be publicly shamed. I have no problems for accountability and things like that but its much better practice when done in private. I’m hoping to have a strong year for writing on here. Just before I started this post I was looking at my previous overall posts by year and realized that come October this year, it will be 5 years! I couldn’t believe it. It felt like it had only been a couple but how wrong I was. Back to back days writing on here so it’s a good start. Hoping I can stay more committed to it. We both deserve it.

Starting Over

Nathan Smith

1 comment

January 4, 2024

New Year, new goals or something like that. It’s been a long time so bear with me as I try to recapture the few people who actually have read and consistently read my posts on here. If I am to make any goal for this year it is to try to be more consistent with writing on here. I’ve strayed too far from the path I had started on when I began this blog. Too stubborn to just say fuck it and stop having this blog as it’d save me money but dammit even though my production has been shit lately I want to change that. So here’s to hoping I actually can get my ass in gear and stay committed and dedicated to it. Enough of that crap and on to other things and updates on stuff going on in these parts. The last year was an interesting one. Much like every year though in a sense with ups and downs but this one hit a little deeper and harder than most in a couple ways. One good, one bad. Which should I start with? Well, lets start with the bad I guess and rip the fucking band-aid off and get it out of the way and try to end this entry with a positive note. Back in March, well I should say it mainly started on my birthday, then there was the torture and anguish of waiting. It wasn’t a good thing to wait on either, but it was a known fact and until that point in my life I never quite related to Tom Petty’s song ” The Waiting ” and perhaps I don’t relate to it entirely other than the chorus where it states: ” The waiting is the hardest part “ and nothing was truer then at that time, as at that time my father in law was in hospice care and was in the hours to days phase of passing away in our home. I had gone into work that morning of my birthday on March 17th for about an hour and that was all I could last before I broke down and told my supervisor about everything choked up and in tears. I should actually mention now that I think of it, there was another good thing from last year and that was starting the new job that I have. The place I work for are great people and I truly feel appreciated by the company and it’s probably the first time I can say that about being employed anywhere. Anyways, enough of that side track and back to the meat of the darkness of last year. So, March 17th I was thinking my father in law was likely passing on that day. Well, he didn’t, so it had to be the next day for sure. No. Surely that 3rd day. NO. To break it down by week day, my birthday was on a Friday. That 3rd day was Sunday, even the hospice nurses were baffled that he was still kicking. Finally come Tuesday evening, he passed. During that timed period I think I happened to hear that song and it hit me like a ton of fucking bricks and I thought to myself, the waiting really is the hardest part. Since that day, it has been a bit rough as I have had to be an anchor for my wife and I wouldn’t take that role back for anything because in a weird way his passing sort of helped to open my eyes a bit more spiritually and as well as in faith. After he passed there were some interesting things that had happened. Sure they may be completely coincidental but believing that they are signs from the deceased is how I like to feel it is. You may call me a fool and what not but I’d rather live having faith in something and hope for something better after then nothing but darkness at the end. I also since that time, within the past few months or so have been delving into the Bible. I have been reading that as a way to feed some of my curiosities on the events in it and how they line up in history. As I ponder more and more I feel I have slowly been coming to the conclusion that God is real and that Jesus very well is The Savior. I have a really hard time completely committing to faith though as I always have that voice in my head that says don’t be a fool believing in shit you don’t know for fact. There is no actual physical evidence that I know of His true existence other than some of the things I have witnessed and experienced in my life that I might deem as miracles. Well, for one, the actual fact that I am living or any of my brothers and sisters are seems to be a miracle. When my father was 12 I think it was he had gotten a really bad staph infection. He had such a high fever they were rolling him around in an ice bath to try to keep his temperature down. The dr’s had told my grandparents that if he lived he would be retarded and sterile. Well, he came out of it and it didn’t effect his intelligence at all and 4 fucking kids later I don’t think he’s sterile. I call that a miracle. Also, there is something to be said about the power of prayer. This is just a small example, and for the blessings I have gotten I’ll be honest, God didn’t have to grant me things that he has answered. In fact I have some stuff I’ve written down before flat out cursing Him and giving the business to him. Yet, he has helped me in ways that I have probably never truly thanked Him for. I can say that I had angels with me when I went to South America and I say that because realistically there isn’t any reason why I should have been able to do that trip and still make it back. I literally had fuck all for money and took this trip and had just enough near the end to get by and even that I needed some assistance with. So as I get older and think of that experience, yeah I had angels with me, there is no question about that. Another small thing I want to mention was that a couple months back my rabbit was acting odd and I thought she might be due to pass and as I held her in tears one night not knowing how much longer she may be around I prayed for her. Fast forward to now, it seems like a distant memory as shortly after that day she improved and now seems like she is as good as she ever was. So there is that. You can believe me if you want or just think I’m some crazy person and that’s ok. All I can say is, if you are struggling in anyway or need some sort of peace I beg you to try praying as you may receive the benefits of it. Now, not every prayer goes answered and that’s a known fact but I find it odd that as I have started taking this practice a bit more seriously and delving deeper into my relationship with God that while everything far from perfect it certainly helps and I do get comfort most the times when I have requested it in my prayers. Funny, I said a couple good things and now I guess I’ve determined 3 things. New job, having a better relationship with God and lastly, my best friend moving back to the area. It’s been great having him back and I couldn’t be happier about that. He was up visiting around Christmas last year and that was when he was putting things in motion to come back. Fast forward to Summer of 23 and he was back home. When he told me last Christmas he was planning on getting back home I put the thought in my head immediately that 2023 was going to be a good year. If my father in law hadn’t passed, I could argue that it was a great year. I think that’s all for now. Hopefully, I stay more consistent this year on here. Happy New Year to you all!

I Was The First Person To Die From Hallucinogenic Mushrooms

Nathan Smith

no comments

May 17, 2023

True story. Or at least that’s what my mind was telling me last Saturday night. It’s taken a bit of time for me to actually come around to writing about this experience. Mostly due to the fact that a lot of it is actually really difficult to describe but I’m sure as hell going to try anyways. I may do a part 2 of this at some point from other perspectives at the time of the incidents from that night. Until then, well I’m just going to have to give it my best go. To start, I have no idea how much I had scale wise. I’ve not been spooked by these kinds of things most of the time and if anything have backed into psychedelic experiences. That was all about to change. I had a couple of big caps of shrooms, didn’t think it would really be much different then some of my other times. Thought I’d see some cool visuals and such and go on my way…. Well, I was dead fucking wrong. I’ll start with what I remember prior to things going upside down on me. I felt them kicking in but I was feeling tired, so I close my eyes. Now, if you’ve never taken shrooms before, when you close your eyes, you don’t see the darkness of your eyelids. In fact you see unbelievable and weird shit to be honest. I can’t really explain what I was seeing at that point other than a bunch of random stuff. After that, I sort of came to out of nowhere, almost like from a bad dream and when I did I recall sliding off of the couch down onto my knees or on my but and literally thinking I don’t know who the fuck I am! What essentially happened during that time was I had what would seem like a dream but it seemed all too real where everything I had known in my life was not even real. My family was never who they were, my friend and most notably best friend who was also with me at the time was not who he was. Come to find out, I was an experiment for psychedelics and I had been getting IV’d them my whole life but they realized they had gone too far and now I was aware that everything wasn’t real. So I came to, having no recollection who I was questioning everything. Then in a blink of an eye another event happens. I’m actually fucking dead. I died in a car accident from driving while on shrooms. All I can explain is that what I saw was a first person view of a vehicle on it’s side and completely split in half. I could see my family friends everyone crying and upset that I had passed. Which yes, I know this is weird because moments ago, none of them were really in my life to begin with but I wasn’t making the rules that night. The fucking fungus was. I could hear my brother saying, you really did it now Nate. That stuck in my head because then I had a vision again of the vehicle split in half and I could also hear my wife’s voice, when that happened the reality of my death gave me a ton of guilt. Mainly because my wife recently lost her father back at the end of March and now she’s lost her husband because he’s a fucking idiot and had to do shrooms because I always like to tote that hallucinogenic mushrooms can’t kill you. So here I am now, and in my head I know have to go to my wife to explain to her that I’m dead. I know, I know, a lot of this shit makes absolutely no sense which is another reason why it is so hard to describe but it’s just how I remember the experience. During this time, I had a lot of sorrow and it was hard for me to build up the courage to confront my wife about my death. According to whoever I was hearing and telling me directions on what I need to do to move on after life, I had to confess that you can die from hallucinogenic mushrooms. There was also a point during this whole experience where I was stuck in this weird loop trying to pass over into the spirit realm. I could hear my brother and friend talking but everything was glitchy and I was on the floor at this point. I do know this because I remember grabbing onto the leg of the table a lot but I was sort of stuck in this glitch mode where they would talk but it was all glitchy. And I had a phrase that kept repeating in my head which was I wonder what it would be like to be the first person to die of hallucinogenic mushrooms. Now why I had this thought in my head? I have no idea but it was on repeat and as it repeated I kept trying to also confess that I had done it. According to my friend and brother at one point we were outside. All I really remember about that is being outside the bulkhead and looking at the neighbor’s house. It looked like it was nothing but string lights surrounding the house. It was very beautiful with the back drop of the night honestly, and there was a starlit path leading to the house. I remember being drawn to it and I think at that time my brother and friend grabbed me to try to get me back inside. I was drawn to the house because I felt that was where I had to go to get to the other side so to speak. I also remember during several parts constantly saying or yelling “I’m the firs person to die from hallucinogenic mushrooms!” I remember distinctly my brother and friend covering my mouth multiple times so I wouldn’t alert the neighbors. The majority of the experience as you can tell revolved around death and shroom usage ultimately. Some would say it was a bad trip. I won’t say it wasn’t but I can say there was a lot that came out of it for me. It gave me a greater appreciation for life I can say that much. It gave me the open mind to be open to receiving love and knowing how much me being gone would affect other people in my life. I will say it’ll be awhile before I decide to do that shit again if ever. Ultimately, it left me shook for a couple days. Especially the whole car accident bit. That had me looking over my shoulder feeling like Final Destination. All I can really say about it now is that I got spanked in the woodshed on that trip and in and seeing that I did come out of it on the other side, I am overall thankful for it, as it was definitely an eye opening experience. I also have to say I had zero recollection of what I was doing physically but from what I understand I collapsed/swan dove multiple times. If there is a part 2 of this it will be the accounts given by my brother and my best friend. I hope some of this made sense to you but either way it was an experience I had to write about. That’s all I have for now.

Me, My Own Worst Enemy

Nathan Smith

no comments

December 1, 2022

I started this blog about 3 years ago or so now. All to give me a reason to write and put my stuff out there. I started off quite consistent and posting frequently. Sometimes, multiple times a day if I had the time. I felt reinvigorated and sitting down to write regularly was fun and enjoyable. I even started to garner some readers. I also started this with pipe dreams of making some money maybe. What a dream! Making money doing something I truly enjoy. Yet as always, at some point the fire burns out and I start to get lackadaisical and post less often. Then even less often. Then almost nothing. I’m damn ashamed of myself to see I only have done 4 posts so far this year. 12 months and only 4 fucking posts? I couldn’t even commit to fucking at least one post a month. Hence my title of this. I am my own worst enemy. I should know myself enough after over 40 years that if I start taking a day off here or there it gets all too comfortable to just keep putting it off. Fuck that, I gotta get back on the bike and start writing again. I hope you notice the little play on words there. That kind of stuff is the reason I like writing and reading. I love creating those types of things and I enjoy when I read others that do it as well. It adds an element of wit and humor. I like wordplay that is done well on film, too. I find a lot of that stuff comes with British humor. It’s not necessarily blatant funny. It can be dry and sometimes go over your head. I think that’s why I like it as I think of it. It’s not for everyone and it feels like being “in” on the joke by understanding it while others may not. There’s a show that had been on Netflix for a while and I’m not sure where it can be found now but it had great wordplay and it was called “Toast of London” holy shit that show was funny. If you like that type of humor you should try to seek it out. I think that is all for now. I’ve run out of steam on what to write about. Anyways, I will remain committed and will post more regularly. For you for me, my own worst enemy.

Retarded

Nathan Smith

no comments

September 29, 2022

Whoa! What am I thinking writing a piece with this title? I’ll tell you exactly what I’m thinking. I’m thinking it’s bullshit that saying this word is frowned upon. I’ve used it a majority of my life and have never once used it towards anyone that is physically or mentally challenged. Not once! I usually use it for perfectly competent people, that display signs of idiocy. I understand yes, it could be offensive to some. It’s something I don’t understand. I guess because I don’t get offended easily if at all about anything in language. Why? Because they are fucking words, not a fucking knife to the heart. Anyways, the main reason I wanted to write this is because of an instance I recall from when I was in 2nd grade. This means this is well before any cancel culture stuff we’ve seen transpire over the past decade or so. I was fortunate of where I went to school when I was young because we were able to actually get our stories we wrote at the school printed/published. I still have many of those short stories in my possession. You could say my desire of writing started from grades K-4. Those were the years when I was able to have stories published. I loved the idea as a kid and it fueled my desire to want to write. I must have at least a dozen stories from that time period. If only publishing a book was as easy as it was then, haha! Anyways, in 2nd grade I remember specifically in one of my stories I mentioned that these aliens were walking around all retarded. When the teacher read it to me she fucking told me that it wasn’t even a word. She told me did you mean retorted? I adamantly said no, I mean retarded. She continues with this lie and says I’m sorry but that’s not a word you must mean retorted. So against my wishes we added retorted instead of retarded. Do you see what I’m saying here? If she thought it was an inappropriate word she should’ve just said that. Don’t fucking insult my intelligence despite my age and tell me a word that I know exists isn’t a word. So there you have it. All these years I’ve doubled down on that word. No not to offend or be an asshole, simply because I was lied to. I may have had a different experience and outlook on the word had I not been told it doesn’t exist. So either she didn’t have the wherewithal to buck up and tell me she thought it was inappropriate or perhaps, she was retarded. That is all!

T.G.I.F.F.

Nathan Smith

no comments

June 24, 2022

The extra “F” is intentional. If you read enough of these posts you know I’m calculating with some of these things I write. You also probably know what it represents as well. It shouldn’t take (insert preferable genius, here) to figure it out. If you need me to tell you, I will, and with pride. To spell it all out, Thank God It’s Fucking Friday! Sometimes you just have to say fuck. It feels good. I enjoy it and I use it very liberally. I know that turns off some people but I guess I wouldn’t be your kind of people. I’m okay with that because you likely aren’t mine, either. So, the feeling’s mutual, bub. Anyways, moving on before I forget what this whole thing was supposed to be about. To sum it up, I’m fucking fed up with my work. I’ve got things I’m working on to try to get out. I’ve started a company but it’s taking some time to get off it’s feet. I have complete confidence that once I start getting clients that it will take off. I’m well aware of my skills and knowledge and I firmly believe once it gets known I’ll have steady business. I could be completely wrong but I have a good feeling about it despite it being a slow launch. It has to take off, hell or high water I have to get out of where I am now. I’m fucking sick of feeling the weight of the world on my shoulders because I feel like only myself or my manger are the only ones that can actually fucking help most of our patients. I guess that in turn is why I feel like I’ll be successful with my business. I have high standards and I don’t like complaints… I don’t like complainers either but somehow I have found a skill or perhaps a gift to be able to turn around the most pissed off people and turn them to mush by the end of the conversation or encounter. People don’t like being dicked around, especially when it comes to their health or well being or that of a loved one. You have to be honest, and if you don’t know the answer you have to let them know you don’t and tell them as such. However, if you don’t have the answer you better sure as hell know who does because if you don’t you’ve lost. Personally, I never liked not having the answer so I put the work in to learning and retaining the information needed. No, I don’t know it all but if I need to I’m not scared to seek it out. Hard work is what people want and it is ultimately what drives success. I’ve had enough of putting hard work into someone else’s business just to see it all go to shit anyways. It’s time this hard work goes to my OWN business. If it fails, I’m the only one to blame and that’s how I like it.

When is it enough?

Nathan Smith

1 comment

May 26, 2022

I can’t be the only person asking this question in regards to the tragic, disgusting, violent shooting in Uvalde, Texas where multiple children and a couple teachers were killed. How many times do we have to see, hear about, or, be the unfortunate victim of events like these? The ones that have the ability to do things about it are doing nothing because of their fears of losing power within their political party. I’m tired of hearing about what seems to be damn near weekly at a minimum of some sort of gun violence. Yet, America doesn’t have a gun problem? Guns don’t kill people, the people pulling the trigger do, gun advocates will say. I honestly don’t get the fucking infatuation with guns in this country… It’s almost like to have guns is American or something. I understand it’s in the constitution but that fucking thing was written over 200 years ago. I understand the purpose of it to being to protect ourselves from the government. Well, I’m at the point where that narrative of government takeover if we didn’t have guns is something I would live with compared to nothing being done about it at all. Which I honestly feel nothing will be done. I recall growing up that at times all it took was one person to fuck all the fun up for everyone else. Mainly in school. A tactic to help keep the students behaved so that we could all enjoy some sort of privilege of some sort. I’m at the point where I do not believe that guns should be fucking a right anymore. I think they should be be put in the same category as privilege. Like driving. You have to take tests and education to get a license. What criteria is really needed to get a gun? To my knowledge you don’t need to take any kind of test. I feel there needs to be way more stringent efforts in being able to obtain one. This alone doesn’t solve the problem I am aware. If someone wants a gun they will typically find an illegal way to obtain it but for fuck sake, can’t we agree they should be harder to get via the legal measures currently in place? I don’t know. It’s just so frustrating to always see this shit happening. Anyways, I think that is all I have to say about it for now.

Long Overdue

Nathan Smith

no comments

January 20, 2022

Well, well, well. The prodigal son returns. It has been way too long since I have posted on here. I feel guilty about it. No sense to continue to dwell on it now because at least I’m attempting to rectify the situation at hand. No one wants to read excuses and I don’t plan to give any. I just want to get down to brass tax and shoot from the hip. Lately I’ve been in an interesting spot mentally. I’m very disappointed with my job. Not because of the work of it but because of how I have seen the place take such a nose dive. I’ve been there for over 10 years. I guess in a sense I feel I’ve been duped. In the beginning I believed that they truly cared about customer service and helping our customers. Why wouldn’t you? It’s what should be the bread and butter of your business. I’m not going to go as far as the ridiculous saying that the customer is always right route, because let’s be real. The customer isn’t always right. Sometimes they’re a fucking asshole. As you read that you are probably judging me saying I must suck at customer service. Quite the contrary. I do well with it. I’ve dealt with said fucking assholes and at the end of dealing with them, had them eating out of my hand. That is customer service. Customer service was a large part of the company’s mission statement back then. Then, greed happened. The company started growing. Buying other smaller companies that were started to fail. As the company grew so did the complaints. However nothing changed and the company started to grow more. Then back in April, our company got bought by an even bigger company. Welcome to corporate America! You know what’s scarier? I work in healthcare! Isn’t that awesome knowing that greed means more than your health needs? It’s discouraging and disgusting. I worked my ass off for quite some time and honestly being a bit blinded by how bad our customer service had gotten. When I would hear complaints, I would shrug it off and internally defend the company. I would do that because I knew how good the relations were at the particular branch I worked at. This was due to the hard work and team work mostly between myself and my manager. As time has progressed, I would say it’s been the last 3 years or so that my eyes have been opened to just how awful the service is. I feel at this time that it is a moral issue for me working at this place. It’s a huge burden feeling like myself and my manager feel to be the only 2 people that are consistently dependable with our customers. No one else in the company feels to be at our level. WE have mangers that are fucking morons and somehow go from failing management in one department to managing another. Why are they still fucking here?? It’s a question I ask on a daily basis. It’s gotten to the point where I don’t give much of a fuck anymore. I still work and do my part but my heart is definitely not in it like it used to be. The sad thing is my half ass is better then the rest of the people’s full ass. I know that may sound egotistical and I hate that but what can I say? If you know your shit you know your shit. That is what makes it so hard for me to leave. My knowledge in the field. Sure I could go off to another company doing the same sort of thing but the sad part is they are all pretty much the same. Large with fuck off customer service. It’s sad because the reason they are so big is because that appears to be the only way to survive in this industry. If I were capable to create my own business in the field I would but there is a lot of red tape to go through. I can assure you. I’d have more fucking pride then to let mine get to the point of having a 1.3 star rating on google. I think that is about all I have to talk about now. This was cathartic and good for me. Probably not as entertaining to you but what the hell gotta start somewhere. I’ll be back soon. Love you.

Author’s Insight on: Head and Shoulders

Nathan Smith

no comments

June 7, 2021

I put a lot of anger and hate into this story and you can see it by the aggressive nature and graphic details of certain parts. I had written this as a way to personally resolve being wrongly done. Bob, was the actual name of the contractor that I bought my house from. The last name is fictional. Needless to say, he’s a piece of shit and honestly, I felt a lot better about things by writing this. The funny thing about it is that I had a totally different direction I had been thinking of for his demise originally. While I was trying to work out how to do it I took a break and jumped in the shower. While I was in the shower was when the direction I ended up going came to mind. My original thought was he was going to go to Thomas’ girlfriend’s house and end up getting put in prison for statutory rape. In prison he was then going to be getting screwed. Either way, the ultimate destination was him being violated. I decided to take a risk and go with the path I felt was the bigger twist. When I write these stories, I write it out and do some slight editing. Just enough so it’s readable. Truth is, I get excited when I create a story and I want to put it out there as quick as I can. I suppose I take a sense of pride in being able to write an, in my opinion pretty decent short story. I don’t think it’s something every one is able to do. It’s honestly the only thing I have any true confidence in. I also know that it’s not an easy trade to make money in. I’ve always been terrified of writing a legitimate novel. I worry my attention span isn’t made for something massive. I guess I never really have tried. I also worry about the attention span of a reader. How many books have you picked up and never finished? I know there have been many I’ve done that with. I feel having a niche in writing short stories combats the attention span issue. Anyways, speaking of attention spans it appears this insight has started to go off the rails. I’ll come back next post with another insight when I regain focus.

Blog at WordPress.com.