Basket of Thoughts

New Year, new goals or something like that. It’s been a long time so bear with me as I try to recapture the few people who actually have read and consistently read my posts on here. If I am to make any goal for this year it is to try to be more consistent with writing on here. I’ve strayed too far from the path I had started on when I began this blog. Too stubborn to just say fuck it and stop having this blog as it’d save me money but dammit even though my production has been shit lately I want to change that. So here’s to hoping I actually can get my ass in gear and stay committed and dedicated to it. Enough of that crap and on to other things and updates on stuff going on in these parts. The last year was an interesting one. Much like every year though in a sense with ups and downs but this one hit a little deeper and harder than most in a couple ways. One good, one bad. Which should I start with? Well, lets start with the bad I guess and rip the fucking band-aid off and get it out of the way and try to end this entry with a positive note. Back in March, well I should say it mainly started on my birthday, then there was the torture and anguish of waiting. It wasn’t a good thing to wait on either, but it was a known fact and until that point in my life I never quite related to Tom Petty’s song ” The Waiting ” and perhaps I don’t relate to it entirely other than the chorus where it states: ” The waiting is the hardest part “ and nothing was truer then at that time, as at that time my father in law was in hospice care and was in the hours to days phase of passing away in our home. I had gone into work that morning of my birthday on March 17th for about an hour and that was all I could last before I broke down and told my supervisor about everything choked up and in tears. I should actually mention now that I think of it, there was another good thing from last year and that was starting the new job that I have. The place I work for are great people and I truly feel appreciated by the company and it’s probably the first time I can say that about being employed anywhere. Anyways, enough of that side track and back to the meat of the darkness of last year. So, March 17th I was thinking my father in law was likely passing on that day. Well, he didn’t, so it had to be the next day for sure. No. Surely that 3rd day. NO. To break it down by week day, my birthday was on a Friday. That 3rd day was Sunday, even the hospice nurses were baffled that he was still kicking. Finally come Tuesday evening, he passed. During that timed period I think I happened to hear that song and it hit me like a ton of fucking bricks and I thought to myself, the waiting really is the hardest part. Since that day, it has been a bit rough as I have had to be an anchor for my wife and I wouldn’t take that role back for anything because in a weird way his passing sort of helped to open my eyes a bit more spiritually and as well as in faith. After he passed there were some interesting things that had happened. Sure they may be completely coincidental but believing that they are signs from the deceased is how I like to feel it is. You may call me a fool and what not but I’d rather live having faith in something and hope for something better after then nothing but darkness at the end. I also since that time, within the past few months or so have been delving into the Bible. I have been reading that as a way to feed some of my curiosities on the events in it and how they line up in history. As I ponder more and more I feel I have slowly been coming to the conclusion that God is real and that Jesus very well is The Savior. I have a really hard time completely committing to faith though as I always have that voice in my head that says don’t be a fool believing in shit you don’t know for fact. There is no actual physical evidence that I know of His true existence other than some of the things I have witnessed and experienced in my life that I might deem as miracles. Well, for one, the actual fact that I am living or any of my brothers and sisters are seems to be a miracle. When my father was 12 I think it was he had gotten a really bad staph infection. He had such a high fever they were rolling him around in an ice bath to try to keep his temperature down. The dr’s had told my grandparents that if he lived he would be retarded and sterile. Well, he came out of it and it didn’t effect his intelligence at all and 4 fucking kids later I don’t think he’s sterile. I call that a miracle. Also, there is something to be said about the power of prayer. This is just a small example, and for the blessings I have gotten I’ll be honest, God didn’t have to grant me things that he has answered. In fact I have some stuff I’ve written down before flat out cursing Him and giving the business to him. Yet, he has helped me in ways that I have probably never truly thanked Him for. I can say that I had angels with me when I went to South America and I say that because realistically there isn’t any reason why I should have been able to do that trip and still make it back. I literally had fuck all for money and took this trip and had just enough near the end to get by and even that I needed some assistance with. So as I get older and think of that experience, yeah I had angels with me, there is no question about that. Another small thing I want to mention was that a couple months back my rabbit was acting odd and I thought she might be due to pass and as I held her in tears one night not knowing how much longer she may be around I prayed for her. Fast forward to now, it seems like a distant memory as shortly after that day she improved and now seems like she is as good as she ever was. So there is that. You can believe me if you want or just think I’m some crazy person and that’s ok. All I can say is, if you are struggling in anyway or need some sort of peace I beg you to try praying as you may receive the benefits of it. Now, not every prayer goes answered and that’s a known fact but I find it odd that as I have started taking this practice a bit more seriously and delving deeper into my relationship with God that while everything far from perfect it certainly helps and I do get comfort most the times when I have requested it in my prayers. Funny, I said a couple good things and now I guess I’ve determined 3 things. New job, having a better relationship with God and lastly, my best friend moving back to the area. It’s been great having him back and I couldn’t be happier about that. He was up visiting around Christmas last year and that was when he was putting things in motion to come back. Fast forward to Summer of 23 and he was back home. When he told me last Christmas he was planning on getting back home I put the thought in my head immediately that 2023 was going to be a good year. If my father in law hadn’t passed, I could argue that it was a great year. I think that’s all for now. Hopefully, I stay more consistent this year on here. Happy New Year to you all!