Basket of Thoughts

Thoughts from my mind to the internet

The following you are about to read is from the title date and time I had entered on my journal when I had gone to South America by myself for 5 weeks. It was the first entry I had written when I had gotten to Peru. As you can tell by the year, it’s been over 12 years since that trip. After the entry will be my hindsight thoughts and perspective. I plan to post up more of these in the future and include my after thoughts as well. I hope you enjoy.

Well, I’ve calmed down a bit now. This trip has started pretty close to hellacious as I could imagine, but it has gotten better. I got off the plane in Peru and when I wanted to take money from the ATM it was said it didn’t recognize the account. Needless to say, I was not only livid but panic stricken as I had no real means of calling my bank to bitch them out. I called them before I left to let them know I would be here so there’s no reason I shouldn’t be able to use it. Anyways, thankfully I think that problem is solved now that I have gotten some cash from the ATM here in Barranco. I must admit that regardless of how upset I was , riding into town I felt calm and so intrigued when my eyes laid upon this new territory. Watching the waves crashing on the sandy (dark sand) beaches, it was such an amazing view to me as the cab was driving along a road with a gorgeous cliff to my left and the crashing beach to my right. I hope that my backpack arrives soon cuz I really want my cleaning supplies. I feel dirtier than a sewer rat covered in shit.

That’s the end of the first entry. To fill in some blanks for you in case you are not aware Barranco is a small town just outside of center Lima. It was sort of a suburb of it. Also mind you at this time while I did have a cell phone I didn’t have service when I was down there. That’s why I stated I couldn’t call the bank when I was there. There were pay phones but I didn’t know the number to my bank therefore even a pay phone was useless. This was my first trip ever leaving the United States on my own accord. I had gone to Canada briefly once when I was younger with my family but other than that the trip to South America was my first trip out of the States. I have however been to Ireland several times since this trip. While I can still recollect my initial feelings when I did arrive in Peru it did stun me, however, I must say it doesn’t even pale in comparison of when I had first seen the beauty of Ireland. So much so that I try to get there every year. I think I will enjoy writing the recollections of my journal entries. When I first was writing it I had in mind I was going to publish it. I still might but I think the way it’s written is such a personal thing that it won’t translate properly without my current reflections included. Other than what I reflected on above I don’t think there is a whole lot that really stuck out to me in regards to that first entry. I guess that’s all for now.

For the Generous

Donations graciously accepted but not required.

$2.00

To start, let me just say that I’ve never been a fan of Donald Trump. Long before he ever conned his way into the White House I disliked him. The simple reason being that I absolutely can not stand anyone that constantly brags and boasts. This a very broad statement but anyone that has those characteristics is full of shit. I have a pretty good bullshit detector and I despise being lied to. I’m an honest person and I expect the same. Now I know all the politicians out there are full of shit and people thought that because Trump wasn’t a politician it was a good thing to have him become president(not me). Also, a successful businessman (is he really though?) would get the country right or as he says “Great Again”. A statement that has become polarizing in the country. Silly cheap looking red hats with the white lettering. A statement that had been made back in the 80’s with Ronald Reagan. No one seems to credit him with that though or maybe people just forgot. Anyways, I digress and should get to the topic of this whole thing. The impeachment hearings. I listened to most of the hearings as it took place while I was at work. I wanted to hear the testimonies and come to my own conclusion while keeping an open mind and trying to not to be bias on the whole situation. It was a difficult thing to do honestly. I feel that the evidence is there and it points to the fact that there was shady foreign dealings going on. Too many dots connect and it is scarily similar to the events that happened during the Nixon impeachment. Most of the Republicans turning a blind eye to the testimonies and simply trying to convince everyone there was no wrong doing. Thankfully, in a sense they are right. They are right because of the fact that he had been caught. Much like Nixon had been caught. Republicans claiming that all the testimonies are not evidence and just hearsay. Let me ask you this… if you receive a phone call about something after you find out you are being investigated do you answer your phone call from the ambassador saying the opposite thing of what you are being investigated for? That shows to me, covering tracks and doing everything possible to prevent from getting in trouble. How about not releasing certain transcripts? What would it have hurt to have those on hand unless they were incriminating? On the other side you can also say why wasn’t Hunter Biden testifying? I can see that perspective, however, the impeachment wasn’t about Hunter Biden. It’s about whether the president held back aid for an ally in return for an investigation of a political opponent. After hearing the testimonies, I heard that the aid had been withheld and was released AFTER congress started to investigate. So the question really is how long would the aid been withheld if an investigation hadn’t started? What I heard from the Republican defense was a lot of attacks and misdirection. Trying to discredit most of those that testified. Focusing on small words like “presumably” and “interesting”. It was sickening to listen to at times honestly because it was uncalled for I feel. I also want to take a moment and I hope you do as well. Regardless of where you stand politically take a moment and think of how we got here. Doesn’t it feel like we are divisive to extremes? Far right, far left. What happened to the middle, folks? I often ask myself, if we are the United States of America, than why did we divide it with 2 major political parties? Everyone’s different but we are all just people right? Why can’t we look past our differences these days and try to be civilized? Nowadays it seems like everything that’s not on your side needs to be attacked and is a threat. It’s a negative way to be and no one gains from it. Just because someone has a different view on something doesn’t make them a threat. It doesn’t call for intimidation or name calling. What it does call for is to take a moment to absorb it and take a look through another’s lens. The less views you receive the more blind you are to be. Until eventually you’re just in the dark. It’s ok to go to the ledge and see the view from another side. That’s what makes America great. All the views that can be had without repercussion. We are the eyes of the world. Lets not poke them out.

Well, I wish that my initial feelings would be stronger as I write this, but I have had about 1 1/2 hours of driving, almost 2 hard ciders, and toked a bowl since my first feelings of frustration and anger that made me want to write about it in the first place.

It’s simple and just stems back to my job. I’m not like a majority of the people that work in my company where they only serve one purpose and know jack shit about anything else. Even some of those with just that one purpose, suck at that, so that drives my frustration even higher with my job. My manager feels the same way too. She’s the same. She’s put work and effort and pride in the job and is reliable. She is a strong part of the company and they would be up shit creek for a while if she were to say fuck it some day and leave. One of the biggest reasons I haven’t done that, is because I don’t want to screw her over. That’s all it would do, is screw her over. Other than that, the truth is I would be replaceable. Would the replacement be able to do what I do? I would find it unlikely. I’m not saying that out of arrogance, I’m saying that out of honesty. I’ve been doing my job a long time and have worked hard and for awhile I felt like I was appreciated. Appreciation is a big motivator. I don’t think just for me, but for most people. It’s been building up over the last few years. There have been many changes since I have worked there. Most of them I was happy about. We decided to concentrate our efforts strictly on a couple items as opposed to all items. To make a long story short I work for a CPAP supply company. If you don’t know what CPAP is, google it and go from there. Sorry, just don’t want dull down this with the description of my work.

Anyways, we used to do oxygen too and I used to be on call quite a bit. We decided to get out of that business and just go to CPAP/supplies and orthopedic bracing. This decision led to something I had wanted for a long time and that was no more being on call. It was a breath of fresh air and I looked forward to that. The only kicker was it did effect my income. It was a hit I was willing to take. It has made some things more difficult but I still get by.

My frustrations have increased as we have gotten busier. It’s a good thing to be and I don’t mind but when you have as many responsibilities I have, there are a lot of things that falter. Increased orders to process which is my primary objective as that is a major means of revenue for the company. More orders processed in a day, more money earned. It’s easy for me to let other things drop off when I know I am doing what is needed to earn money for the company. On top of processing orders I am supposed to send machines out for repairs when needed, call in machines for warranty exchange, manage inventory for my location as well as one that is 45 minutes away, in charge of sending out boxes/labels to people that need to send their machines back for my location, clean machines that have come back and make sure they work, get equipment ready 2 days a week for our clinician who has appointments, and I think that about sums it up. I was told a few months ago that someone else was going to take over the other location’s inventory and stocking it but there has been no word since. On top of that we are moving out of our location and moving to another location. It’s not too much further away than the current one thankfully. We are moving in a few weeks and there’s a lot of crap still at our location that needs to be taken.

Over the weekend the CEO had received some photos of the our location and he sent an email to my manger for me to clean it out.

Yeah, ok on top of all the other shit I have to do. Like I wasn’t aware of the mess that was there. Of course I know! I’m trying to make you money and do you think I’m dumb enough to not get it cleaned out by the time we are moving so that everything is ready and so that it will be as easy as possible. That’s how much he doesn’t know me. Stay out of my hair dude, I got this. You worry about your other shit employees who’s shit I fuckin fix on a regular basis. As a matter of fact there’s several that wouldn’t be missed, but you know what? You might replace me but they won’t be me. I’ve worked my ass for this company. Have pleased many people, had to settle patients down, and at times been the reason why we retained a patient. The people were irate with the company because of other people’s failures to know what they were doing. The culture is just fucked is all. The company honestly has a handful of worthy people that have half an idea of what’s going on. The others just get in the way. Anyways, I guess I tapped back into my angers and frustrations. That’s what I wanted I suppose. I’m hoping after the move things will get better. I feel like they will. We are moving to a smaller space so we can’t have as much inventory and there is already processes in place for the return machines and repairs to be down out of the main office. I guess I just wish I was appreciated for my efforts at work. I have lost my desire to go above and beyond at my work like I used to. I believe it’s because I feel like working all that much harder doesn’t get me anywhere. No Christmas bonuses the last few years… granted not for anyone either or not to my knowledge. I don’t anticipate one this year. No real incentives to work harder. Sure, I can work overtime but I don’t have the desire to do that because the only rewards I get for working overtime is more taxes taken. Yeah, that sounds awesome! Anyways, I suppose I should close as I am just going to rile myself up again. I think I should smoke another bowl. Bye.

It’s been awhile. I have so many things I think about during the day at work and by the time I get home they’re gone. Fleeting thoughts and lack of ambition have plagued me, along with self doubt. You can add lack of direction as well. When I had written the first short story I posted on here it got stuck in head that I should write a short story everyday. Well, that was a damn foolish thing to think because that’s hard to do when you work a full time job. When I write a story, I want to start it and end it in the same session. Perhaps it’s not the best thing to do but that’s what seems to work for me. I just let things flow.

I do get stuck though because while I am writing, I am re-reading and also editing at the same time and that can sometimes divert my mind from what’s going on in the story. When I had written Head and Shoulders I started to get stuck. I knew where I wanted to go with it but getting there was the tricky thing for me. I took a break and jumped in the shower and that’s when I had a thought strike me that changed the way the story went. The lightbulb went off in my head and I ran with it after I was done in the shower.

Going back to my lame excuses of why I haven’t written in awhile, I will touch back on the self doubt. It creeped in my head that no one really gives a damn about what I have to say on here and that the stories are what people want. So I am thinking of stories to write and there are some brewing in between my ears. There may not be much else in there but there are some story ideas. Hopefully, I can write one tomorrow but we will see. I have a gig tomorrow night but it’s not till the evening so I hope I can write one in the morning. It turns out that I was wrong to have self doubt. Wednesday night after practice the drummer in my band said “Oh, hey, I read some of your stuff. I liked reading your thoughts about things.”

So here we are, just a little boost of encouragement and I’m writing thoughts again. Also, last night my little sister called me and asked when my next short story was coming. Hopefully tomorrow.

I’m trying to think of what else I wanted to write about… Well, I guess it’s suiting for the title to be fleeting thoughts because off they went again like butterflies in the breeze. They may flee but I won’t. Again, hopefully a story for tomorrow. Have a good night everyone and I appreciate you for reading.

She woke up shivering, her face throbbing with pain. She gently touched the swelling wincing at first contact. Her right eye was nearly swollen shut from her cheek bone up. She could see just a little through the split in her eyelashes. Her hip was badly bruised from the fall she had taken. Slowly, she got up and looked around her surroundings. She targeted the area of the rock facade that she felt had the best places to grip. It was only about 10 feet but it still exhausted her. She laid on top after the climb breathing heavily, wincing each time. She wished she was home up north in Canada. She needed medical attention but she wouldn’t be greeted with open arms. Her visa was expired and she was living illegally in Maine. She had spent the past several weeks partying it up with the famous author Rory Scott. She admired his work and was beyond flattered when he had hit on her. They had met at the Bear’s Den one night. She had been working there under the table as a bartender and he happened to come in for a drink. He asked if she wanted to hang out after she was off work and the rest was history.

After regaining her strength she got back up and started to walk through the woods. She was hoping she was heading in the right direction. She stumbled through the woods and came to a clearing. She couldn’t believe it but she had found herself in the huge backyard of Rory’s estate. She could see the house in the distance.

She looked through the windows and found no signs of life. She tried the front door and it was locked. She was already in pain so a little more was nothing. She punched the glass on the front door and reached through to unlock the door. When she got inside she couldn’t believe it hadn’t been cleaned up. She walked in the kitchen and saw the blood… Her blood, his blood still on the tile floor. It enraged her and she looked around the house for a towel. She found one on the towel rack in the bathroom. She proceeded to clean the mess up throwing the blood soaked towel in the trash. She grabbed an ice pack out of the freezer and put it to her face to try to help with the swelling. She turned on the t.v. and laid on the couch. Trying to nurse herself to health.

The timing was impeccable and she shot up quickly when she saw the advertisement.

TOMORROW AT DOVER-FOXCROFT PUBLIC LIBRARY MAINE’S OWN RORY SCOTT! SIGNING COPIES OF HIS LATEST BEST SELLER “RETURN OF THE GIRL” FROM 8 A.M. TILL 5 P.M.

“That son of a bitch! He is stealing MY story! ” She screamed aloud.

She timed her entrance to the Dover-Foxcroft Library perfectly. She was going to be the last face he saw. That’s how she wanted it to be. God forbid that he remember her name but he sure as hell was going to remember her face. The face that he had made by smashing it onto the tile floor. She didn’t care about being apprehended by the the police. She was simply out to get revenge.

She nearly got distracted as the lady in front of her, while leaving with her signed copy, gave her a look of disgust. It enraged her and it nearly broke her focus to kill him as she was tempted to kill her. She quickly refocused on the task at hand sliding a copy of the book in front of him. He was only looking down at the book as it slid. He slightly hesitated signing the book as if something caught his attention. He finished signing and looked up.

The look on his face was all she ever wanted. She grabbed the knife she had brought with her from Rory’s kitchen and slashed it quickly across his throat. He even appeared to offer himself willingly as he lifted his head up, exposing the length of his neck and closing his eyes. Blood poured out of the wound as Rory slumped over the table gurgling his final breaths before bleeding out.

Before Rory slumped over she reminded him one last time her name was Lisa.

Screams echoed in her ears almost immediately after. She turned around and it was the lady who had given her the nasty look. Perfect, she thought now she can kill this lady. As she started to try to attack the lady she hit the floor dead. The lady had pinpoint aim as she shot her in the head from the hip.

Unfortunately for Lisa, she didn’t notice the Proud Member of the NRA hat the lady was wearing.

For the Generous

Donations graciously accepted but not required.

$1.00

“You’re like a cross between Macguyver and Mad Max.” said Detective Briggs to the alleged killer.

“I really have to admire the work. You take a Tesla and modify it into a multi purpose death machine. You have some real skills in fabrication and car mechanics obviously. My big question though, is why? You have no prior history until the last 6 months which you accumulated over 20 deaths. Do you feel remorse? I need to hear the story.”

Lester Kane looked up at the detective from his seat. His hands cuffed behind his back.

“It’s a bit of a tale, detective. Ya might wanna get comftable.” He said in his distinct Maine accent.

Detective Briggs slid out the chair from under the table and sat down across from Lester.

“I’m all ears.” He said.

“Ya evah notice how many shitty drivahs thyeah ah round these pahts in the summah? All them Massholes and otha outta stateahs”

“Yeah, of course. Tourism is huge for the state of Maine.”

“Well, I do fine nuff without it, Detective. That’s the main reason I finally snapped. You see, I tried to prevent it. I sweah I did. I took therapy almost daily after my little girl died. You evah see a 3 yeah old practly evaporate in red mist right befoah youah eyes, sir?”

“No. No, I can’t say I have.” Briggs replied.

“Well, that’s what happened. My baby girl ran down the driveway and I couldn’t get ta her. I, I-“

Lester started to choke up as he reminisced about the worst day of his life.

It was a beautiful Maine summer day. Bright blue skies, a bright shining sun and in the lower 80’s. Lester was working in his shop trying to finish up a job. He glanced up from the hood of the car and saw Lily, his little 3 year old girl waddling towards the end of the driveway. She had gotten out of her play pen and kids being kids took off running. Lester was in a panic and ran as fast as he could down that long driveway. It was slow motion as he watched. The sound of screeching brakes, a loud thud, and an explosion of red transpired in front of Lester. His legs kept pumping, his heart pounding, trying everything to get there in time to try to save his baby girl.

All he was greeted by was a grisly mess of flesh, bone, and blood. Down the street 50 feet was a Tesla that had been going well over the speed limit. The horn blasting as the driver’s head was resting on it after being killed by the impact. In shock and in disbelief of what happened, all Lester could do was sit in the road. Rocking back and forth, sobbing, while gathering up what ever pieces he could of his baby girl. It was his wiring. He could fix just about anything and in his shock, he thought he could fix this too, but there are no miracles, just odds that are beaten.

The cops arrived to assess the scene. Lester was taken into custody not as a suspect but out of protection for himself. He was released several weeks later after psychiatric evaluations proved him to no longer be a risk of suicide.

Once Lester was back home he had tracked down the junkyard where the Tesla that had killed his girl was. He picked it up on his tow bed and brought it back home to fix it up. He was hell bent on creating a road rage death machine. No longer would speeding tourists get away with their reckless driving. Never again would they hit one of his dogs. Never again would they T-bone his wife at the Sebec four corners intersection killing her on impact. Never again would his little girl evaporate into mist. Never again was his mantra each day as he worked on his new toy.

Detective Briggs was amazed at the details of Lester’s motivation. It made sense to him. He sympathized with Lester as he couldn’t bear thinking of the loss of his girl. She was 3 as well so it hit particularly close to home. Lester explained detail after detail of each of the people he murdered in the sake of his daughter. All of the victims had been tourists and had all been violating the rules of the road whether it be speeding, reckless driving, or tailgating. Briggs even found himself admiring some of the things Lester had done. They were simple things like throwing out a spike strip that blew out the tires making the murder look like a simple car wreck due to speed and the tires blowing out. If Lester had done that with all of them he probably never would have been caught. It wasn’t until he started to use his Deathla. The speed and handling was second to none and Lester’s familiarity of the roads made him inescapable. He was also able to use the auto driving abilities of the tesla by creating a remote control so he could drive the car without being in it. It wasn’t the same as driving it though. This was how he had gotten caught.

Lester was sitting in his driveway as he usually did in wait of the latest poor individual to go blowing down the street.

Here he came, a bright red lamborghini with Mass plates. Lester watched the red blur and pulled out instantly in pursuit. The torque of the Deathla is the key to it’s acceleration going from 0-60 in under 3 seconds and within moments Lester was right on the lambo’s tail. Lester didn’t anticipate what happened next. The lambo’s brake lights lit up and Lester didn’t have time to react. The front end of the Deathla had been fabricated like a V pointing outwards and it sliced the lambo nearly in two. The impact knocked out Lester and killed the driver in the lambo.

The police officers had found a note in the glove compartment of the lambo. It was a simple statement directed at Lester. The note read: GOT YOU FUCKER!! in permanent black marker. Police didn’t really think much of it but Lester knew it was directed at him.

The driver of the lambo was the brother of a girl that Lester had killed. She was on the phone with him panicked as Lester chased her. When he found out she had died in a car accident he knew better and set out to track him down, if not to kill but draw attention to the Mad Man of Sebec. That was what she referred to him as. She lived up in Sebec in the summers working at a camp on the lake. Lester had yelled at her multiple times in the past for going too fast by his driveway. All those times had been before he had lost his daughter though. She knew it was Lester because the headlights popped up behind her right after she passed his driveway. She didn’t think that he was this crazy. She frantically called her brother as she drove trying to get away from him. The last thing he ever heard were her screams. The police reported it as a car crash death which it partially was, but Lester also stepped on her throat as she laid on the ground after being ejected. The coroner never even bothered to look for another reason for the cause of death. It was baffling that the authorities never thought twice about the sudden increase in car accident deaths. If everyone had been doing their jobs properly they should have seen the signs that all of them had some tell tale signs of foul play.

Lester had admitted to his crimes when he had caught wind of the note in the glove box. He confessed out of his guilty conscience. He heard in his head his baby girl’s voice say “Dada, He’s a bad boy.” She used to say that when one of the dogs would chew up one of her socks. Only this time he knew he was the bad boy and this was much worse than chewed socks.

Detective Briggs stared at Lester awestruck of the details of the confession. As crazy as it was he wanted to set Lester free. If the cops had been doing their jobs right perhaps Lester may not have suffered his losses. There surely would have been less victims of Lester’s because they could have caught him sooner. Briggs stood up and paced around the room rubbing his chin.

“Well, Mr. Kane, we have your taped confession so there’s not much I can do… Unless of course something happened to the tapes…”

“I’m not shore I follow you.” Lester replied.

“I’m just saying something could happen to the tapes if, oh you know I may happen to have… a Deathla.”

“Ah, take it. I’ve no use foah it no moah.”

“It’s settled then, we are just gonna say this conversation never happened.”

Lester was freed and never convicted of any murders and Detective Briggs became the owner of Lester’s Deathla.

Gordon Hart loved his new convertible BMW. He loved cruising down the back roads at breakneck speed. A loud siren blared. Gordon looked in his rear view mirror. Detective Briggs was right on his tail.

For the Generous

Donations graciously accepted but not required.

$5.00

I’m not sure if it’s because it’s a grey and dreary morning but for some reason I started to think of Scott Hutchison. A person I never knew personally but felt like I did because of the music he left behind. His passing should never have been a surprise and yet when it happened I was shocked. He literally wrote a song about it and now here it was a true prophecy of things to come. I guess I didn’t want to believe how true the song was. The song I refer to is “Floating in the Forth” by Frightened Rabbit. Scott Hutchison, was the songwriter/singer/guitarist for the band if you are not familiar. To me, that song is a beautiful tragedy. It is deeply sad to begin with but even more so now that he is gone. It’s been almost a year and a half and it is hard to believe it has been that long. Many musicians I like have passed away and I was saddened but none of them paled in comparison to Scott’s. I was very shocked when I heard of Prince’s death. Still, it doesn’t seem to compare to the feeling of sadness I felt as I did when I heard of Scott’s. I never thought that the last time I would see Frightened Rabbit would be at the Roisin Dubh in Galway, Ireland. I had seen them a couple other times in the States but it was a treat to see them in Ireland. I just didn’t think it would be the last time I would see them. Scott’s mental health seemed to be doing okay. It just goes to show that the demons of depression can grab you at anytime. Sometimes they don’t let you go and you don’t return. I think that was the case for Scott. I hope that there was “peace beneath the roar of the forth road bridge”.

Yeah, I know the title to this is spelled wrong. It’s funny how that was the word that I screwed up when I was in the town spelling bee. It has forever shackled my mind to the important lesson of being humble.

My mother had been town spelling bee when she was younger. I was able to spell quite well also. It was one of my strong suits in school. I had qualified for the town spelling bee. I thought I was destined to be the spelling bee champion. I couldn’t be more proud. I had never felt more confident of anything in my life. Even to this day that statement is true.

I remember flying through each word they asked to be spell. None of them were even a challenge. One by one the contestants dropped off. It got down to the final 3 and I was one of them. My next word was shackled. I laughed to myself as I started to spell the word.

“S-c-” I immediately folded on the table I had been standing over and buried my head. I couldn’t hold back the tears. For a couple of moments I stayed there silently sobbing in my known failure. I couldn’t comprehend that I had failed. It had never crossed my mind. I was going to be the spelling bee champion. It was in my blood. It was my destiny. All those thoughts of my pride after I won were dashed. Even more embarrassing was the fact I KNEW the word and I had to spell it incorrectly because once you started there was no going back. It was obvious to everyone in the room that I knew it as well.

“S-c-h-a-c-k-l-e-d. Shackled” I choked out trying to conceal my tears. There was no way, as they were on full display.

I’m not sure if I ever got over that. It still sticks in my mind and it riles me up when I think of it. It was a defining moment also though. It showed me that destiny is a bunch of crap. It also showed me to be humble. I still to this day think that I should have won that spelling bee, but if I had, there wouldn’t have been a lesson to learn. If I had won I may not be as humble as I am now. I don’t accept compliments very easily because in my mind there’s always something better. I think losing that spelling bee instilled that in me. It wasn’t so much the contestants were better, it was that I thought I was better. I learned real quick I was wrong.

I just had a sad thought. I have a bunch of photos I took when I had gone to South America a little over 10 years ago. I can’t think of where any of them are. I had some way back in the day on Myspace. Remember that? I actually liked it better than Facebook to be honest. It felt more personal. I remember you could blog on that. I guess doing this blog is what stirred up those thoughts. I can’t believe that it’s been over a decade since I went down there. I kept a journal while I was there. I hope to publish it some day. I had anticipated that I would do it much sooner but I’ve always felt a bit self conscious about it for some reason. I suppose it’s because I’m my own worst critic. Partly, because there are bits that are embarrassing too. I laugh back at it now whenever I decide to head down to nostalgia town. It’s sort of a laugh of relief in hindsight. During the time at which I had written it I can also recall my fears. It sounds dramatic, but there were times I was worried I may not make it back home. Not due to feeling threatened but due to finances. I also laugh at the comedy of errors that occurred. I haven’t read through it in quite awhile. I probably should just to reminisce. Hell, maybe I’ll post up a couple entries on here sometime. I think I’m going to wind down now and have a couple beers. Until next time…

It’s been one week since I started this page. My goal when I started was to write and post something every day. I already failed that goal, and that’s okay. I have thought about it a lot though. I have decided to consider a success in learning instead. I missed posting up something on Friday and Saturday. I finally put up a new post yesterday. I was hell bent on writing another short story after I had written Writer’s Block. I spent a good chunk of Saturday writing a story. It just wasn’t coming together so I scrapped it for the time being. I had failed to finish the story. I had gotten personal with the story and wanted the character I created to suffer. That’s the reason Head and Shoulders goes to a dark and disturbing place. So, while I failed on writing the original story I it gave me insight that it wasn’t going the way I wanted it to go. I started fresh and that was the better option. Failing is the easiest thing to do. It’s what makes us human.

Failure also creates many reactions. Failure is sometimes completely out of your control. Dealing with failing IS in your control. It can always be used as a tool to learn. You can even dissect it like the frog in biology class. SEE why you failed. Sometimes the failure is from unrealistic goals. Learn to adjust to a more realistic one to succeed. You failed due to lack of effort? Why did you not put the effort in? Is it because it is something that doesn’t interest you? You learned that you don’t like that subject. Did you fail despite doing your best? Take whatever reasons you were told you failed to heart and come back again stronger. If you truly enjoy something and want it enough, you will face failures but remember to learn from them. That is the true value of failing. Using it as a tool to not be denied. If you fail a million times getting to the top of the mountain you want to be on, who cares? I guarantee you won’t.

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